A Tribute to My City

I would like to use this post to extend my heartfelt sympathy and thoughts to the victims of the Boston marathon bombing, and to the city that I hold so dear. It is in Hawaii that I met the love of my life and have become a triathlete, but it was in Boston that I became an adult.

I arrived at 19, a clueless small-town girl optimistically unprepared for the big time. After driving across the country in my 1989 Honda Civic, complete with no air conditioning or power steering, still nursing the heartbreak of a failed first love, I was ready to start fresh in a place where no one knew my name. I craved anonymity and the opportunity to leave my mistakes behind me and become the stronger, better person I knew was in there somewhere. I was scared and excited and sad and thrilled, and as I turned off of the pike onto Mass Ave I knew it was the first day of my new life. 

Blindly following my new roommates, who I had found on Craigslist and never met before, across town and to my new home, I marveled at the colorful wooden houses lining the streets, painted light blue and yellow and trimmed in cheery white, obviously brimming with history reaching far beyond what I was accustomed to on the west coast. Delighted, we drove into a neighborhood of stately, elegant old houses divided into apartments by floor, surrounded by young trees and mossy sidewalks and faded white fences covered in climbing grape vines and although the house we pulled up at was the most dilapidated on the block, I already new I was in love. As I lay in a pile of blankets on the floor of my new room that night surrounding my all of my earthly possessions gazing out the window across the Cambridge skyline to Boston across the river, I knew that although I was all alone and scared to death, I had done the right thing.

My year in Boston gave me many things. It gave me the anonymity I craved. I immediately erased the parts of my personality that had caused my past to end up a crumbled mess, replacing my emotional reactions and vulnerability with confidence and level-headeness. It gave me complete financial independence, adventures, and thousands of memories with wonderful people. I worked in bars next to Fenway where I made more money than I ever had before, met crazy fans, crazy managers, and amazing friends. I explored the history of the East Coast, ate cannolis at Mike's Pastry and strolled the North End listening to accordion music and savoring delicious pasta.

Every day for months, I took the train from home to Back Bay to go to ballet class at Boston Ballet, and although my experience there was ultimately frustrating, I loved my morning commute, Boston Metro in hand (poached from someone else, of course!) and my walk past the gorgeous brownstones from the subway station to the studio. Sometimes I got up early just so that I could sit in Copley Square, watching people pass me by and knowing that at that exact moment, I was the only one who knew where I was. I knew that I was 100% independent, 100% alone, and that I was no longer afraid of being that way. When I learned to embrace these solitary moments, I found peace and the ultimate source of strength:

I knew that I could handle anything, all by myself, and I loved it.

This morning I heard that Copley was the site of the bombings, and the peace and strength I have held sacred for all of these years was shaken. The thought of my sanctuary in chaos, pierced by grief and fear, made my heart ache and my stomach turn. My subway line to work, shut down. My friends injured, scared, and violated. Although I am not among those most closely affected, my sense of calm was thoroughly rattled.

In light of these events, I cannot help but reflect on the impact this city has had on my life. In Montana my life began, in Seattle I dealt with the loss of my father, and in Hawaii I found my true love, but it was in the historic, vibrant, and wonderfully welcoming city of Boston that I truly grew up and found the ability to be happy independent of anyone else -- the strength to be alone. And so while my home is here, in the land of aloha, my city will always be Boston.

My heart is with those who are suffering. May you find peace and may the city I love find healing.